im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
