My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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