dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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