using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
