I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
