Too much gin, very little bucket
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
