Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
