i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
