escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
