I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
