Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
