we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
