so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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