someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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