You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
