dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize