I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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