Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
