He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
