He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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