great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
