On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I still have a little drunk in my system
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
