i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
pop tarts are not kleenex
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why are your pants in the freezer?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
