hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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