Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
