Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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