New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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