tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
