I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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