The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize