Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
