I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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