is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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