you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
