her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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