theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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