how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
