there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mom said you looked used
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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