At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
