Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
