he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
