If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
