she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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