I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
