Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
