i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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