Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
