What did we do last night that was yellow?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i out mim tonsoeep
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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