The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
