I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just tell him i said nine months
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
