she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
false alarm, still single
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
