I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
