I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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