You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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