and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
