the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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