So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
