he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The power of my boobs compel you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
