Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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