Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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