Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
