oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
