dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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