Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
