I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
