I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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