i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
