I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
