did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
