I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
