Got a toothbrush?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
