took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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