I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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