hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
